In My Bankruptcy Feelings

Recently a friend of mine reached out to me regarding the possibility that they may file for bankruptcy.  When I started this blog, I definitely wanted to be used as resource for anyone who needed financial guidance and/or just to talk out their finances. So, when this friend reached out, it made me feel like this blog is accomplishing the effect I wanted it to have… this idea that we can just openly talk about our financial worries and any money matters with each other without feeling like we can’t or shouldn’t.

I listened to my friend talk about their reasoning for possibly considering filing for bankruptcy, and it made me reflect on my own bankruptcy adventure.

It took me months of weighing the pros and cons of bankruptcy before finally deciding that it was the right move for me. It wasn’t an easy decision, but ultimately the amount of debt I had from terribly managed spending habits was collapsing onto my very being. I felt suffocated and unable to find my grounding. The thing about bankruptcy, is that it’s not just something you decide on a whim. It’s a carefully thought out decision, and I think there’s still this incorrect idea in our society that people who file for bankruptcy are 1) failures and 2) looking for an easy way out.

I certainly felt that this is what others might think about me once they found out that I was going to file for bankruptcy, and look at me now! I have an entire website where the premise is my bankruptcy, and I shout it out at audiences when I do stand up! My bankruptcy is not a secret because I want to normalize it. Filing for bankruptcy is a normal thing, and we shouldn’t look down on people who decide to do so. Because guess what, folks!

It’s not an easy way out. It comes with after effects, or what you’d call consequences. When I finally decided to file for bankruptcy, it was me becoming fully cognizant of my situation and also of the work I had to put in after my discharge. 

For me, my decision was worth it even if every now and then I am faced with hurdles because my bankruptcy is on my credit report and will be on there for nine more years!

I remember the first few times that I saw my therapist after my bankruptcy was discharged, and how she even noticed the difference in my attitude and mood. I felt relief. A huge source of anxiety and stress had been lifted from my shoulders because I recognized what was best for me and my life.

So to my friend, and to whoever else is or has contemplated filing for bankruptcy:

  • Do your research. Reach out to people who you know might have done this before. (HIIIIIIIII, I’M AVAILABLE TO TALK WITH YA’LL!!!!!!!!)
  • Research lawyers who are reputable.
  • Weigh the pros & cons (which I’ll make a post about in the future)
  • Think about what you will have to do/how your life will be post-bankruptcy. You have to have a plan in place so that you can learn better financial habits.
  • But most of all, TRUST YOURSELF.
  • AND DISMISS THE BAD ENERGY FROM PEOPLE WHO MAY LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR DOING SO.

Filing for bankruptcy is a normal thing to do. I could get into my rant about capitalism, but I won’t. Just know that you are not alone in facing this possibility, and that it’s OK.

Wait, it’s 2019 already? Ah, shiiit. Where did all my money go?

When we last saw our hero, she was carefully organizing her plan towards a financial comeback after having filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy in early 2017. What has she been up to since then?

Struggling. 

All right, let’s address the elephant in the room first. I clearly have not updated this website since June 2018 where I addressed how depression was just one of many contributing causes toward my financial turmoil that led to my bankruptcy. Let’s just say that things got hella wild after that post, and my life took many twists and turns that left me unable/unmotivated/uninterested to keep pursuing certain avenues in my life, such as this blog.

The motivation that I initially began with to turn my financial life around disappeared à la Thano’s snapping his fingers (sorry, not sorry, this shouldn’t be a spoiler anymore). This isn’t to say that my finances are in utter collapse. I’ve been able to stay on top of things for the most part, but there is still a lot for me to learn.

So, once again, dear reader, let’s continue to learn from each other and tackle our finances. Be a hot mess, but don’t be a financial hot mess! New tagline, who this?!

The first step toward bettering your money habits is to acknowledge where your money has gone.

Here’s a quick breakdown of where the hell my money disappeared to in 2018 according to my bank’s filtering system:

 


Using the filters to analyzed my 2018 spending habits isn’t without its drawbacks. There are a few expenses that my bank sometimes categorized into different categories. Expenses sometimes were sorted into different categories during different months. Example: A Visa credit card payment in one month was categorized under Financial, but during a different month wound up as Uncategorized or Personal.

I am also intrigued as to how it only came up with $239.97 as Travel when I took a trip to Peru in 2018, which was WAY more than $239.97. Small details in how the filtering system works, this overall snapshot still helps get a sense of where my money has been.

Having access to this quick breakdown will definitely factor into how I decide to handle my money this year. But let’s also be real, I’m going to make mistakes (YOU are going to make mistakes), but that is COMPLETELY OK. Don’t hold yourself to perfect standards AND MOST IMPORTANTLY don’t hold yourself in comparison to someone else and how they’re handling their money.

Look I acknowledge I have work to do. You should acknowledge you do, too.

However, I am also acknowledging the progress I have made. It doesn’t matter if other people think that my progress has been small. It’s my progress, and I am happy to see it have occurred.

My progress in 2018:

I am able to pay my monthly bills, and have money to use on “Food & Drink”. 

So, consider the areas you have to work on, but also take note of whatever small or big progress you have personally made in your finances, too!

 

 

 

Depression Made Me Buy It: How To Hold Yourself Financially Accountable Even During Emotionally Trying Times

Today I want to talk about depression and how it can affect your finances. For those new to Breaking the Piggy Bank, let me quickly catch you up. I began this website after having hit several financial mishaps that eventually led to me making the decision to file for bankruptcy. The goal is to make money issues less taboo, and to provide a platform for those of us learning to stand on our own financial ground.

What contributed heavily to my financial misadventures? Lack of self-control, a desire for instant gratification, poor money management skills, terrible priorities, an inability to say no to choices that would strain me financially, and (drumroll) my depression. Whether you have clinical depression or not, we all struggle with times when spending money makes you feel better. However, that sort of thinking is not conducive to long-term money goals.

It is one thing to buy yourself a greasy meal as comfort or the videogame that you think is going to help you feel better versus drowning your depression in $100 worth of shots… and boy have I been there! If you have found yourself in a similar situation before, then you should know that there are things you can do to control your depression from taking a toll on your financial goals.

Depression is a lifelong struggle. While it is not constant, there are times in life when it will creep back in and put a hold on a lot of your life including your finances. You may begin to question why working toward that long-term financial goal is worth it. During these times it may be best to remember how you first felt when you began to work on the money goal. Did you feel relief, a sense of accomplishment or pride? Those feelings were genuine and are only gone temporarily. Of course, the length of time that “temporarily” is can vary, but regardless if you persevere even during the bouts of depression or sad moments in life, you’ll come out far better financially.

So, what are specific actions we can take to protect our finances when depression creeps in again or when life is too tough and spending money seems like the easiest thing to do?

  1. Plan ahead: Set up a separate account, whether checking or savings, that you will not have regular access to spend money from. It doesn’t have to have a huge sum of money in it, but ideally during every paycheck or every other paycheck, you want to send some money that way. If you are working toward a specific long-term financial goal, then have this account be where you are setting that money aside. For example, if you like to go camping during the summer and want to have money set aside for that, send it to an external account rather than keeping it in your main account. Not having that money as easily accessible can help make sure that even during a depressive episode, money toward that goal is not affected. I like to use online banks because it makes transferring money back into my main account a hassle to do, even if it is just waiting around a few extra days. That extra step and delayed instant gratification goes a long way when you feel depressed. In my case, I usually end up thinking, “Why bother it won’t make me feel good right now.” My main bank account is with Simple, and my external account is with American Express (yes, they have savings accounts options and have no physical bank branch… so I can’t take money out as easily.)
  2. Allow yourself to spend some money: I’ve allowed myself to spend money on Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream when I feel like hiding from society. Find something small that you’re all right with spending money as a small pick-me-up. Try to avoid large purchases by writing out on paper why you think you want to make that large purchase. This extra step can help clarify in your brain why it seems necessary in the moment. Return to this thought the next day to see if you still feel the same way. Impulse purchases seem like a good idea in the moment when you first think about them, and depression can certainly make them seem alluring. Adding an extra step and returning to it, can help you stray away from money decisions you will later regret.
  3. Evaluate, Reflect & Re-plan: If you end up sabotaging your finances momentarily, it’s OK. Everything we do serves as a moment to review, reflect and then learn from. In doing so, you will be able to figure out a plan for a future instance where you may lean toward not caring about your money goals. Take me for example, I had to take a hard look at the mistakes I made in my past, many of these during years when my depression had taken a hold of my finances. The outcome has only been positive.
  4. Take a break from the finances: Look, it’s no surprise that focusing too much on your finances when you aren’t in the right mind and space for it can result in feelings of despair and/or anxiety. It can make everything that much more overwhelming. It’s OK to take a break from crunching numbers and figuring out how to pay for long-term goals. Sometimes, you will need that space. For instance, I recently became a little too obsessed over how to pay for braces while also going through a rough mental patch. The result? I became more overwhelmed than needed and felt like just giving up on all of my financial goals (not just saving for the braces). I felt a lot better once I took a break from my spreadsheet to focus on other things that would help me mentally. Do the same when you need to. Just be sure to not ignore it completely. Make time to go back to your spreadsheet/notebook/bank app when you are in a calm state.

These are just a few things that might help you avoid falling into the trap that I often slid right into. This trap is known as the “my depression made me buy it”. As always, stay strong. You are in charge of your behavior that leads to your financial wellbeing, and I believe in all of you.

What are some of your strategies for taking care of your finances even when things in life get emotionally rough? Comment below or shoot the Pig an anonymous message with your thoughts.