Parents Getting in Your Financial Business? – Ask The Pig #3

ask the pig

IT’S LIKE AN ADVICE COLUMN,

but not as judgmental or retrograded! Got a question about money? I’ll try to answer it to the best of my ability because we are all on this financial journey together!

SO, GATHER AROUND BECAUSE THE PIG IS IN!

This month’s Ask the Pig focuses on how our financial outlook can be formed by our parents.

Our reader asks:

My mom (and family) is always ragging on for being cheap because I haven’t been on an expensive vacation in 3 years and I don’t buy nice things. She says things like “I’m tired of you talking about being poor. I want to call you one day and hear you’ve bought a Samsung phone for $700 or some new GAP jeans.” The reality is I’m traumatized from my parents’ bankruptcy and I’ve been focused on building a general and baby savings. How can I tell people to keep their noses out of my finances? Or is it better to just take the insults and keep going?

Dear Reader,

Isn’t it great being an adult and dealing with your adult parents? I feel like this issue is not much different from the usual parental snooping into their adult children’s business in the form of: I’d like to hear you have a girlfriend/boyfriend or I’d like to hear that you’re considering kids or I’d like to hear that you are getting a different job. Parents, I tell you! They mean well, but can be aggravating when all we want is for them to not tell us the same thing over and over.

In terms of the financial issue, I can understand how witnessing your parents’ bankruptcy impacted your own financial outlook. Bankruptcy is not an easy process to go through, and the aftermath can be emotionally and financially taxing. I would know. I’m currently about to celebrate my first year post-bankruptcy! One year later, I can tell you that there have been challenges that I am still running into, which I would not want anyone else to take on. Because of the aftermath of a bankruptcy, I think having a handle on your finances is important.

That being said, I also do not see the harm in indulging a little here and there based on what your financial situation can afford. There’s being extremely frugal on one end of the spending spectrum, and there is also being an extreme spender and credit card charger on the other end. There is a safe place in between the two extremes to explore financially.

I know that talking to parents can always be difficult, especially when you may feel that they are insulting your values (in this case money values). However, if these comments from your mom are gnawing at you, then I recommend having a quick conversation about what you value financially with her. Depending on your relationship style with your parents, you can say: “GAP jeans are nice, but I found these other jeans much more comfortable/that I like at a better deal.” The language is still positive, and notice I’m not telling you to tell your mom, “These pants are cheaper”.

If you hold your ground, but open the conversation to why you prefer something over the extravagant items she wants you to buy, it may start to show her that you aren’t just being cheap for the sake of being cheap. Even turning the conversation around to something that you would rather have your money for, can at least demonstrate that you are not about the $700 Samsung Smartphone life.

I used to not open up to my mom about my finances, and it wasn’t until I did that I felt a lot more relief because I didn’t constantly hear about it from her. Telling her “I don’t have money for that” didn’t have the same effect as when I said, “Well, I have to pay _____, ______, and then I might have something left.” Post bankruptcy, my relationship is very different with money than my mom’s relationship with money.

However, if you are not ready to open this topic up with your parents, then I would say it is better to stay silent. At the end of the day, what is more stressful for you? Hearing these constant quips from them or opening a dialogue with them about your money values?

Yours Truly,

The Pig


Don’t forget that you can always submit to Ask the Pig! Go on, get your little internet self over there.

You’re Going To Make Mistakes

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As with anything you challenge yourself to, you’re going to make mistakes along the way. This holds true in wealth management, too. You’re going to make mistakes on your journey to financial betterment, and that’s OK.

I repeat: it’s OK.

Sometimes they won’t even be mistakes, but you might read them as mistakes. Sometimes these so called “mistakes” will really be adjustments. Whatever goal you have in your finances, things will come your way that require modification to those goals. You shouldn’t be scared about that or consider yourself short because of them. Most importantly, you shouldn’t close yourself off because of these alterations.

I have had some very obvious mistakes in my finances leading up to the good part of my financial independence and stability, but I honestly believe that those mistakes were needed for me to learn more about how money works and how I can work with the money I have. Even where I am now in my finances (a good place), I still have the occasional hiccup.

For example, this month I am one week away from payday. Time cannot move fast enough. I have been crawling toward the 16th because I had several hiccups in my wealth management.

The hiccup? Well, there were a few.

  • I have not been actively keeping tabs on my spreadsheet. My typical behavior would be to check in on it once a week, but I have not been keeping up with this habit of mine.
  • I got into a minor fender bender, which resulted in an unexpected charge for a deductible and car rental fees. This particular hiccup was out of my control, but had I been keeping track of my spreadsheet better, then I would have been a bit more prepared for it.
  • I got cocky and began shifting money in my bank account from one goal to another. It started off by moving five bucks here, and then maybe 10 bucks there, and before I knew it my monthly goal amounts were all over the place. (For anyone not familiar with my bank, I use Simple which allows goal creation where you can set money aside for certain things like bills, etc. This feature typically holds me accountable for where my money is going, but this month I got a little careless with adhering to those amounts.)
  • I started using my credit card for everyday purchases, which is not what I had originally intended on. BAD HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE BAR, BAD! These little things can add up.

I wanted to share this with you to show that there is room to make mistakes on your financial journey, and that realistically you will probably make some every now and then. I do not have everything figured out because I will always have room to learn more and enhance my habits.

The part that matters in this case is what you plan on doing to fix those mistakes that you make along the way. Don’t beat yourself up over them. Create a plan to overcome them.

In my case, the mistakes are no way dire partly due to the fact that I have been building my money skills for some time now. They are mistakes that I can easily correct this coming month, and in no way do they affect my bills.

If you make some financial mistakes along the way, what can you do?

  • Review what didn’t work (the mistake) and review what did work (what were the strong aspects of your finances this week/month?)
  • Take the things that did work and keep doing them. See if you can apply any of the strong aspects to what did not work.
  • Reflect on how you got to the mistake. Is it likely to occur again?
  • Create a plan. Don’t ignore. (Do you have to shift some priorities around? Do you have to side hustle? Do you have to sit out this weekend round of drinks? Do you have to wait to buy that one thing you initially wanted? Do you have to set up notifications in your bank app to keep track of spending?)

As with anything, allow yourself to make mistakes. Don’t let those mistakes overwhelm you because you are in control of your finances. Learn and remain proactive.

This has been it for your financial pep talk!

Money and Emotions: Planning for Financial Emotional Pitfalls by Onicia Muller

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This week we have a special guest post by Onicia Muller. When I set out with Breaking the Piggy Bank, I intended it to create an open discussion about money and ourselves. Onicia’s guest post continues the discussion we began last week with my post about Financial Literacy Basics: Habits Between Pay Dates.


Money and Emotions: Planning for Financial Emotional Pitfalls

During my final year of college, I found myself paying for a 3-bedroom apartment, 2 maxed out credit cards, overdue rent and utilities. Under our parents’ advice, my two sisters and I mixed finances so we could live in a nice apartment away from city distractions that most students faced. We coexisted mostly in harmony and our apartment was cheaper than each of us renting a room in a student flat.

Unfortunately, while away for study abroad and internships, my sisters and I fell out of touch and we neglected our bills. Since I was the only one physically in the building the following year, I had to take on all the bills or face eviction and debt collectors.

The Pig’s recent post on habits in between pay dates reminded me of some habits I developed to cope during that time.

When I confessed to my mom about my financial burden, I explained that I thought I couldn’t even afford a soda. She said, “Everyone deserves candy. Breaking your budget for one candy bar is not a crime. Don’t feel guilty.”

The two habits I then developed were changing when I opened my bills and when I did grocery shopping.

See no evil … until I’m ready

Most bills aren’t surprises. Even so, companies give you a reasonable amount of time to pay them. Instead of reacting I became proactive.

New rule: DON’T check the mail between Friday and Sunday. It’s very unlikely there’s a pending payment due within three days. So, chill out, ignore the mailbox, and enjoy the weekend.

Not letting bills interrupt my weekend reduced emotional spikes and therefore impulse purchases.

When I did check my mail, I didn’t open letters until I was ready to pay them (usually Thursday morning). To calm my nerves, I wrote (and still do) “seen” and the date on the envelope. Later, I wrote the “seen” and “paid” dates near the amount. These are things that I still do.

I was now in control and strong enough to face my financial demons. Now I needed to find a healthy way to reward myself.

Rediscovering joy for shopping

When you’re poor, spending money on ‘responsible’ things isn’t fun. My triggers (opening bills, meeting a school deadline, and prematurely celebrating booking a temp gig) were mostly under control, but I needed some retail therapy.

Impulse purchases on clothes or candy temporarily made me feel better. However, the guilt that followed was not worth it.  Instead of hitting the vending machine or ordering takeout every time I had an emotional spike, I changed how I did groceries.

I changed my shopping day from whenever to Thursday nights. We had three grocery stores within walking distance from each other, so I kind of got into meal prep and couponing. Nothing serious, I already and a thesis and bills to worry about.

As a reward for buying “real food” on discount, I felt confident adding value pack candy to my shopping list. I could now easily afford 1-2 sweet treats PER DAY without breaking the piggy bank 😉 .

Now, watch the magic.

It’s Friday (the weekend), my bills are paid, I have snacks and real food in the fridge, and I’m not being bullied by my mailbox. If I want, I could pack a lunch and chill in the city or parks and not waste money at fast food places. During the week, instead of hitting the vending machine for $1.25 Snickers because something stressed me out, I just reach into my backpack for one that cost about $0.50 because past me purchased in bulk. High five!

Wealth management skills getting better. Emotional triggers handled. Sweet Tooth secured. Feeling more positive about life.

What are your financial emotional pitfalls and what habits can you develop to avoid them?


Onicia is an entertainment blogger and humor columnist. When she’s not working on screenplays and stage scripts, she does stand-up comedy in Chicago.

Interested in writing a guest post at Breaking the Piggy Bank? I would love to have more voices and perspectives about money related items. Pitch ideas here.

Be Money Smart When You Travel

After a week hiatus, I am back! Thought I was going to be gone for a long time? No, I invested in this domain name for a year, and I will get my money’s worth out of this domain! I traveled to Peru, and enjoyed llama-watching along with other great experiences. However, this isn’t a travel blog. So, let’s talk money!

I often get asked how I am able to afford traveling. I think some people have an assumption that I must be making bank whenever they see that I am posting photos from another destination. I am in fact, not rolling in dough a la Scrooge McDuck style, unfortunately. However, I have learned to be money smart when it comes to traveling. Learned is the key word here, as with anything else on Breaking the Piggy Bank, I had to learn how to be financially savvy when it came to traveling.

My traveling experiences can be broken down to two categories:

Traveling While Not Planning Ahead and Saying Fuck It

Traveling While Being Money Smart

Can you imagine what the difference may be?

My first experiences traveling were in my early 20s. I was financially stable enough, but hadn’t yet learned how to proactively plan towards something, such as a trip. However, I had a near perfect credit score, which in return gave me a few credit cards with high limits. As you can imagine, my traveling amounted to charging nearly everything on my credit cards. I went to Wisconsin Dells purely by nearly maxing out my credit card. Seeing the pickle I had gotten into, my aunt decided to help me out afterwards. She loaned me the money to pay off that credit card, so that I could pay her back without interest.

Yet, I didn’t learn my lesson there.

The trips I took a few years later to Las Vegas and New Orleans? Basically, I charged everything for them, too. One could say I had no business traveling, and one could be right. Looking back now I realize that I could have still traveled to those places, but I should have been planning for them instead. Furthermore, I should have at least made a solid plan in how to pay off everything was charging on my credit cards for those trips. Instead, my mentality was stuck in the “fuck it, I’ll figure it out later” mode.

Now, in the present, I am a stickler towards being proactive about trips. If I know that there might be the chance to travel somewhere in a certain month, then I go ahead and start saving money towards that months ahead. I have a general travel fund in my bank account goals that allows me to set aside money with each month towards that fund.

So, even if I hadn’t planned on visiting New York City in February, I still had money set aside in my travel fund to use on NYC when my friend invited me there. Had there been no money set aside in that travel fund, then this girl wasn’t going anywhere. As far as Peru, I had been saving towards that since December/ January.

How did I get started? Honestly, the first trip I took while being money smart was to Austin, Texas about two years ago. It’s around that time that I began to use a spreadsheet to keep track of my expenses, and that is the tool that helped save towards Austin. Austin had been a challenge to myself to see if I was able to travel because up to that point I had told myself that I had no business traveling with my financial mishaps. However, Austin was the challenge to start new again. To test myself in how I could save to travel rather than use a credit card. From that and subsequent trips, I learned to be money smart when traveling.

Here are some tips and tools on how to be money smart when traveling that I use:

  • Consider your travel options. What is a cost effective way to get there— Via road, train, or air? When I visited Rochester, I decided to forgo the convenience of an airplane and chose the much cheaper option of taking the train there, instead.
  • If you decide to make a road trip out of it, then calculate gas totals. This is especially important if you are not the one who’s car is being used. Make sure you have that person’s back by setting aside how much your half of gas is going to cost.
  • If you’re going to travel by plane, I’d recommend using the app Hopper to keep track of cheap dates. It’s a very handy app when it comes to deciding the best time to fly somewhere. I’ve also used Google Flights for more last minute trips to compare prices.
  • Consider using airbnb with your friends to split the cost of lodging. If you don’t want the whole apartment to yourself because you’ll be out exploring the whole day, you may consider just renting a room through airbnb. Cheaper option.
  • Use Trip Advisor or Yelp for researching how much meals may cost at your destination. This will give you an idea of how much money you may need to set aside to eat or drink.
    • Trip Advisor has some useful forums when it comes to asking for questions about international trips like how much money people typically needed to get by.
  • You can use your credit card for your trip, BUT don’t let it be your only means of getting by. If you do use it for above average expenses while traveling, then make a plan ahead of time on how you will be paying down that balance!
  • Research what type of free things there are to do at your destination. Sometimes you get lucky and there’s a free festival going on during your time there. There’s always free things to do, so that you don’t have to pay to enjoy your vacation.
  • Find a side hustle: If you’re in a time crunch to save or have unexpected expenses come up, then find a side hustle to get money toward your trip. I have done side gigs, such as dog-sitting, website design, and money management counseling to get money I could use toward a trip.
  • Use a spreadsheet! Like always, I know, I’m a broken record, but for real… it’s a handy tool to help proactively plan your travel expenses and plan to pay back friends on the trip and/or credit card purchases while on the trip. Below are two examples of how I use spreadsheets in planning for a trip.
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In my spreadsheet for the year, I have a tab that only deals with Travel Goals. The amount is pulled from each month’s travel fund allotment. So, if I change the amount going to my travel funds in July, this sheet automatically updates. This allows me control over planning for trips I have in mind. It’s also a good way to plan how much money I’ll have a month after traveling to put towards any credit card purchases I made while on the trip. As you can see, I also used this sheet to keep track of the amount being spent on airbnb.
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This is what it looks like on my monthly sheets. At the top where I include money in and out of the account, I also have a section for goals for the month. As far as traveling, I link up each monthly amount set aside so that it keeps adding up with the following month. The amount you see here of $1,030 is not just from March, but from previous months to get a total of how much I had set aside.

I hope some of these tips can help. I plan on having a more in depth post in the future on how you can create your own travel spreadsheet.

Remember, you can travel, but be smart with your money when it comes to booking, going, and enjoying your trip!