In My Bankruptcy Feelings

Recently a friend of mine reached out to me regarding the possibility that they may file for bankruptcy.  When I started this blog, I definitely wanted to be used as resource for anyone who needed financial guidance and/or just to talk out their finances. So, when this friend reached out, it made me feel like this blog is accomplishing the effect I wanted it to have… this idea that we can just openly talk about our financial worries and any money matters with each other without feeling like we can’t or shouldn’t.

I listened to my friend talk about their reasoning for possibly considering filing for bankruptcy, and it made me reflect on my own bankruptcy adventure.

It took me months of weighing the pros and cons of bankruptcy before finally deciding that it was the right move for me. It wasn’t an easy decision, but ultimately the amount of debt I had from terribly managed spending habits was collapsing onto my very being. I felt suffocated and unable to find my grounding. The thing about bankruptcy, is that it’s not just something you decide on a whim. It’s a carefully thought out decision, and I think there’s still this incorrect idea in our society that people who file for bankruptcy are 1) failures and 2) looking for an easy way out.

I certainly felt that this is what others might think about me once they found out that I was going to file for bankruptcy, and look at me now! I have an entire website where the premise is my bankruptcy, and I shout it out at audiences when I do stand up! My bankruptcy is not a secret because I want to normalize it. Filing for bankruptcy is a normal thing, and we shouldn’t look down on people who decide to do so. Because guess what, folks!

It’s not an easy way out. It comes with after effects, or what you’d call consequences. When I finally decided to file for bankruptcy, it was me becoming fully cognizant of my situation and also of the work I had to put in after my discharge. 

For me, my decision was worth it even if every now and then I am faced with hurdles because my bankruptcy is on my credit report and will be on there for nine more years!

I remember the first few times that I saw my therapist after my bankruptcy was discharged, and how she even noticed the difference in my attitude and mood. I felt relief. A huge source of anxiety and stress had been lifted from my shoulders because I recognized what was best for me and my life.

So to my friend, and to whoever else is or has contemplated filing for bankruptcy:

  • Do your research. Reach out to people who you know might have done this before. (HIIIIIIIII, I’M AVAILABLE TO TALK WITH YA’LL!!!!!!!!)
  • Research lawyers who are reputable.
  • Weigh the pros & cons (which I’ll make a post about in the future)
  • Think about what you will have to do/how your life will be post-bankruptcy. You have to have a plan in place so that you can learn better financial habits.
  • But most of all, TRUST YOURSELF.
  • AND DISMISS THE BAD ENERGY FROM PEOPLE WHO MAY LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR DOING SO.

Filing for bankruptcy is a normal thing to do. I could get into my rant about capitalism, but I won’t. Just know that you are not alone in facing this possibility, and that it’s OK.

Wait, it’s 2019 already? Ah, shiiit. Where did all my money go?

When we last saw our hero, she was carefully organizing her plan towards a financial comeback after having filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy in early 2017. What has she been up to since then?

Struggling. 

All right, let’s address the elephant in the room first. I clearly have not updated this website since June 2018 where I addressed how depression was just one of many contributing causes toward my financial turmoil that led to my bankruptcy. Let’s just say that things got hella wild after that post, and my life took many twists and turns that left me unable/unmotivated/uninterested to keep pursuing certain avenues in my life, such as this blog.

The motivation that I initially began with to turn my financial life around disappeared à la Thano’s snapping his fingers (sorry, not sorry, this shouldn’t be a spoiler anymore). This isn’t to say that my finances are in utter collapse. I’ve been able to stay on top of things for the most part, but there is still a lot for me to learn.

So, once again, dear reader, let’s continue to learn from each other and tackle our finances. Be a hot mess, but don’t be a financial hot mess! New tagline, who this?!

The first step toward bettering your money habits is to acknowledge where your money has gone.

Here’s a quick breakdown of where the hell my money disappeared to in 2018 according to my bank’s filtering system:

 


Using the filters to analyzed my 2018 spending habits isn’t without its drawbacks. There are a few expenses that my bank sometimes categorized into different categories. Expenses sometimes were sorted into different categories during different months. Example: A Visa credit card payment in one month was categorized under Financial, but during a different month wound up as Uncategorized or Personal.

I am also intrigued as to how it only came up with $239.97 as Travel when I took a trip to Peru in 2018, which was WAY more than $239.97. Small details in how the filtering system works, this overall snapshot still helps get a sense of where my money has been.

Having access to this quick breakdown will definitely factor into how I decide to handle my money this year. But let’s also be real, I’m going to make mistakes (YOU are going to make mistakes), but that is COMPLETELY OK. Don’t hold yourself to perfect standards AND MOST IMPORTANTLY don’t hold yourself in comparison to someone else and how they’re handling their money.

Look I acknowledge I have work to do. You should acknowledge you do, too.

However, I am also acknowledging the progress I have made. It doesn’t matter if other people think that my progress has been small. It’s my progress, and I am happy to see it have occurred.

My progress in 2018:

I am able to pay my monthly bills, and have money to use on “Food & Drink”. 

So, consider the areas you have to work on, but also take note of whatever small or big progress you have personally made in your finances, too!

 

 

 

Parents Getting in Your Financial Business? – Ask The Pig #3

ask the pig

IT’S LIKE AN ADVICE COLUMN,

but not as judgmental or retrograded! Got a question about money? I’ll try to answer it to the best of my ability because we are all on this financial journey together!

SO, GATHER AROUND BECAUSE THE PIG IS IN!

This month’s Ask the Pig focuses on how our financial outlook can be formed by our parents.

Our reader asks:

My mom (and family) is always ragging on for being cheap because I haven’t been on an expensive vacation in 3 years and I don’t buy nice things. She says things like “I’m tired of you talking about being poor. I want to call you one day and hear you’ve bought a Samsung phone for $700 or some new GAP jeans.” The reality is I’m traumatized from my parents’ bankruptcy and I’ve been focused on building a general and baby savings. How can I tell people to keep their noses out of my finances? Or is it better to just take the insults and keep going?

Dear Reader,

Isn’t it great being an adult and dealing with your adult parents? I feel like this issue is not much different from the usual parental snooping into their adult children’s business in the form of: I’d like to hear you have a girlfriend/boyfriend or I’d like to hear that you’re considering kids or I’d like to hear that you are getting a different job. Parents, I tell you! They mean well, but can be aggravating when all we want is for them to not tell us the same thing over and over.

In terms of the financial issue, I can understand how witnessing your parents’ bankruptcy impacted your own financial outlook. Bankruptcy is not an easy process to go through, and the aftermath can be emotionally and financially taxing. I would know. I’m currently about to celebrate my first year post-bankruptcy! One year later, I can tell you that there have been challenges that I am still running into, which I would not want anyone else to take on. Because of the aftermath of a bankruptcy, I think having a handle on your finances is important.

That being said, I also do not see the harm in indulging a little here and there based on what your financial situation can afford. There’s being extremely frugal on one end of the spending spectrum, and there is also being an extreme spender and credit card charger on the other end. There is a safe place in between the two extremes to explore financially.

I know that talking to parents can always be difficult, especially when you may feel that they are insulting your values (in this case money values). However, if these comments from your mom are gnawing at you, then I recommend having a quick conversation about what you value financially with her. Depending on your relationship style with your parents, you can say: “GAP jeans are nice, but I found these other jeans much more comfortable/that I like at a better deal.” The language is still positive, and notice I’m not telling you to tell your mom, “These pants are cheaper”.

If you hold your ground, but open the conversation to why you prefer something over the extravagant items she wants you to buy, it may start to show her that you aren’t just being cheap for the sake of being cheap. Even turning the conversation around to something that you would rather have your money for, can at least demonstrate that you are not about the $700 Samsung Smartphone life.

I used to not open up to my mom about my finances, and it wasn’t until I did that I felt a lot more relief because I didn’t constantly hear about it from her. Telling her “I don’t have money for that” didn’t have the same effect as when I said, “Well, I have to pay _____, ______, and then I might have something left.” Post bankruptcy, my relationship is very different with money than my mom’s relationship with money.

However, if you are not ready to open this topic up with your parents, then I would say it is better to stay silent. At the end of the day, what is more stressful for you? Hearing these constant quips from them or opening a dialogue with them about your money values?

Yours Truly,

The Pig


Don’t forget that you can always submit to Ask the Pig! Go on, get your little internet self over there.

Do you remember your first piggy bank?

Mine was Mexican. He was born and raised in Mexico before deciding that he would have a better future by pursuing the American Dream. He was large, bright red, and had flowers tattooed all over his ceramic body. Unfortunately, things did not end well for him.

After following me, the little pigtail-ed girl that fed him every now and then to the U.S., he met a rather abrupt end.

The weapon: a hammer. The motive: I wanted money right then and there.

Do you remember the first time you broke a piggy bank?

You can’t un-break a piggy bank. You can certainly try to glue it back together or wrap it up in band-aids. The action, though remains in the past. The action cannot be taken back.

Sure, modern piggy banks come with little round, plastic covers on their bellies so you can get slide your money out without resorting to murder. These aren’t real piggy banks. These fake pigs are the equivalent of a checking account: a tool where you can keep spending your money right as you deposit it.

Do you remember when you first paid the bare minimum amount on your credit card? Or when you missed a payment? Or when you didn’t finish paying off your balance before the zero percent interest period expired? Or when you transferred a balance to another card? Or when you avoided answering your phone? Or when you began hording a massive GLAD bag of unopened bills deep inside your tiny closet?

I broke all those figurative piggy banks. The problem was that because they weren’t real piggy banks, they never made any noise. I never had to immediately clean up the pieces. I silently continued to keep making more bad decisions.

The weapon: impulsiveness. The motive: I wanted money right then and there.

WAIT UP ANGELICA, what the HEY is this blog about?

Spoiler alert: I filed for bankruptcy SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

I’ve learned a lot from my horrible financial decisions. In the year in took me to come up with the money to retain my bankruptcy lawyer, I also learned how to develop a healthy relationship with money and have been able to maintain a decent budget. There’s still more I am learning, but I want to be able to share what I’ve learned and also continue on this financial wellness journey with you.

In short: Whatever your financial situation right now (and maybe you never even went close to bankruptcy) there’s a lot of us in the same boat, trying to take our piggy banks back to safety.

Let’s stop simply bitching about money and start being proactive. Let’s also stop treating money like it’s this big and scary monster, and learn how to think of it as a positive thing.

&

Let’s stop feeling like we can’t talk about money.