Parents Getting in Your Financial Business? – Ask The Pig #3

ask the pig

IT’S LIKE AN ADVICE COLUMN,

but not as judgmental or retrograded! Got a question about money? I’ll try to answer it to the best of my ability because we are all on this financial journey together!

SO, GATHER AROUND BECAUSE THE PIG IS IN!

This month’s Ask the Pig focuses on how our financial outlook can be formed by our parents.

Our reader asks:

My mom (and family) is always ragging on for being cheap because I haven’t been on an expensive vacation in 3 years and I don’t buy nice things. She says things like “I’m tired of you talking about being poor. I want to call you one day and hear you’ve bought a Samsung phone for $700 or some new GAP jeans.” The reality is I’m traumatized from my parents’ bankruptcy and I’ve been focused on building a general and baby savings. How can I tell people to keep their noses out of my finances? Or is it better to just take the insults and keep going?

Dear Reader,

Isn’t it great being an adult and dealing with your adult parents? I feel like this issue is not much different from the usual parental snooping into their adult children’s business in the form of: I’d like to hear you have a girlfriend/boyfriend or I’d like to hear that you’re considering kids or I’d like to hear that you are getting a different job. Parents, I tell you! They mean well, but can be aggravating when all we want is for them to not tell us the same thing over and over.

In terms of the financial issue, I can understand how witnessing your parents’ bankruptcy impacted your own financial outlook. Bankruptcy is not an easy process to go through, and the aftermath can be emotionally and financially taxing. I would know. I’m currently about to celebrate my first year post-bankruptcy! One year later, I can tell you that there have been challenges that I am still running into, which I would not want anyone else to take on. Because of the aftermath of a bankruptcy, I think having a handle on your finances is important.

That being said, I also do not see the harm in indulging a little here and there based on what your financial situation can afford. There’s being extremely frugal on one end of the spending spectrum, and there is also being an extreme spender and credit card charger on the other end. There is a safe place in between the two extremes to explore financially.

I know that talking to parents can always be difficult, especially when you may feel that they are insulting your values (in this case money values). However, if these comments from your mom are gnawing at you, then I recommend having a quick conversation about what you value financially with her. Depending on your relationship style with your parents, you can say: “GAP jeans are nice, but I found these other jeans much more comfortable/that I like at a better deal.” The language is still positive, and notice I’m not telling you to tell your mom, “These pants are cheaper”.

If you hold your ground, but open the conversation to why you prefer something over the extravagant items she wants you to buy, it may start to show her that you aren’t just being cheap for the sake of being cheap. Even turning the conversation around to something that you would rather have your money for, can at least demonstrate that you are not about the $700 Samsung Smartphone life.

I used to not open up to my mom about my finances, and it wasn’t until I did that I felt a lot more relief because I didn’t constantly hear about it from her. Telling her “I don’t have money for that” didn’t have the same effect as when I said, “Well, I have to pay _____, ______, and then I might have something left.” Post bankruptcy, my relationship is very different with money than my mom’s relationship with money.

However, if you are not ready to open this topic up with your parents, then I would say it is better to stay silent. At the end of the day, what is more stressful for you? Hearing these constant quips from them or opening a dialogue with them about your money values?

Yours Truly,

The Pig


Don’t forget that you can always submit to Ask the Pig! Go on, get your little internet self over there.

Brief thoughts: Does penny-pinching ever seem excessive?

Image result for scrooge mcduck penny

Brief thoughts: Does penny-pinching ever seem excessive?

I saw the following video from Buzzfeed, “Money-Saving Starbucks Hacks For The Broke Coffee Addict” via Youtube yesterday and had some thoughts I wanted to share. See video below:

While it is cool to know that downloading the Starbucks app allows me to get free refills as long as I don’t leave the building, some of these hacks seem a little tedious. I’m debating with myself if saving $36 a year by bringing in my own reusable cup is a worthy money move. It seems more cost effective to simply buy coffee at the grocery store and brew it at home or work.

Ordering a cold brewed drink with no ice but the ice on the side in order to get more for your buck seems eye roll inducing, and this is coming from a girl who always says “easy on the ice”. I don’t want to be THAT customer. If you’ve ever worked in the service or retail industry, then you know exactly who THAT customer is.

For me, Starbucks is more of a treat to indulge in. I like to drink coffee, but I either go to more affordable places to grab a quick cup of coffee on the way to work or I buy it at the grocery store and make it at work or home. Those are the coffee money hacks that I participate in.

Then again, who knows, I am most likely being hypocritical considering how I am the girl who also signs up for every single email list in order to get free birthday goodies from the likes of Baskin Robbins and Noodles & Company. If these Starbucks money hacks work for you, then by all means: carry on!

P.S. I’m all for using Groupon to find deals on things.


Stay tuned next week when I’ll reach my hand into the bag of Ask the Pig questions! Want to Ask the Pig something about money? There’s still time to submit your anonymous question!

You’re Going To Make Mistakes

dog mistake

As with anything you challenge yourself to, you’re going to make mistakes along the way. This holds true in wealth management, too. You’re going to make mistakes on your journey to financial betterment, and that’s OK.

I repeat: it’s OK.

Sometimes they won’t even be mistakes, but you might read them as mistakes. Sometimes these so called “mistakes” will really be adjustments. Whatever goal you have in your finances, things will come your way that require modification to those goals. You shouldn’t be scared about that or consider yourself short because of them. Most importantly, you shouldn’t close yourself off because of these alterations.

I have had some very obvious mistakes in my finances leading up to the good part of my financial independence and stability, but I honestly believe that those mistakes were needed for me to learn more about how money works and how I can work with the money I have. Even where I am now in my finances (a good place), I still have the occasional hiccup.

For example, this month I am one week away from payday. Time cannot move fast enough. I have been crawling toward the 16th because I had several hiccups in my wealth management.

The hiccup? Well, there were a few.

  • I have not been actively keeping tabs on my spreadsheet. My typical behavior would be to check in on it once a week, but I have not been keeping up with this habit of mine.
  • I got into a minor fender bender, which resulted in an unexpected charge for a deductible and car rental fees. This particular hiccup was out of my control, but had I been keeping track of my spreadsheet better, then I would have been a bit more prepared for it.
  • I got cocky and began shifting money in my bank account from one goal to another. It started off by moving five bucks here, and then maybe 10 bucks there, and before I knew it my monthly goal amounts were all over the place. (For anyone not familiar with my bank, I use Simple which allows goal creation where you can set money aside for certain things like bills, etc. This feature typically holds me accountable for where my money is going, but this month I got a little careless with adhering to those amounts.)
  • I started using my credit card for everyday purchases, which is not what I had originally intended on. BAD HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE BAR, BAD! These little things can add up.

I wanted to share this with you to show that there is room to make mistakes on your financial journey, and that realistically you will probably make some every now and then. I do not have everything figured out because I will always have room to learn more and enhance my habits.

The part that matters in this case is what you plan on doing to fix those mistakes that you make along the way. Don’t beat yourself up over them. Create a plan to overcome them.

In my case, the mistakes are no way dire partly due to the fact that I have been building my money skills for some time now. They are mistakes that I can easily correct this coming month, and in no way do they affect my bills.

If you make some financial mistakes along the way, what can you do?

  • Review what didn’t work (the mistake) and review what did work (what were the strong aspects of your finances this week/month?)
  • Take the things that did work and keep doing them. See if you can apply any of the strong aspects to what did not work.
  • Reflect on how you got to the mistake. Is it likely to occur again?
  • Create a plan. Don’t ignore. (Do you have to shift some priorities around? Do you have to side hustle? Do you have to sit out this weekend round of drinks? Do you have to wait to buy that one thing you initially wanted? Do you have to set up notifications in your bank app to keep track of spending?)

As with anything, allow yourself to make mistakes. Don’t let those mistakes overwhelm you because you are in control of your finances. Learn and remain proactive.

This has been it for your financial pep talk!

Money and Emotions: Planning for Financial Emotional Pitfalls by Onicia Muller

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This week we have a special guest post by Onicia Muller. When I set out with Breaking the Piggy Bank, I intended it to create an open discussion about money and ourselves. Onicia’s guest post continues the discussion we began last week with my post about Financial Literacy Basics: Habits Between Pay Dates.


Money and Emotions: Planning for Financial Emotional Pitfalls

During my final year of college, I found myself paying for a 3-bedroom apartment, 2 maxed out credit cards, overdue rent and utilities. Under our parents’ advice, my two sisters and I mixed finances so we could live in a nice apartment away from city distractions that most students faced. We coexisted mostly in harmony and our apartment was cheaper than each of us renting a room in a student flat.

Unfortunately, while away for study abroad and internships, my sisters and I fell out of touch and we neglected our bills. Since I was the only one physically in the building the following year, I had to take on all the bills or face eviction and debt collectors.

The Pig’s recent post on habits in between pay dates reminded me of some habits I developed to cope during that time.

When I confessed to my mom about my financial burden, I explained that I thought I couldn’t even afford a soda. She said, “Everyone deserves candy. Breaking your budget for one candy bar is not a crime. Don’t feel guilty.”

The two habits I then developed were changing when I opened my bills and when I did grocery shopping.

See no evil … until I’m ready

Most bills aren’t surprises. Even so, companies give you a reasonable amount of time to pay them. Instead of reacting I became proactive.

New rule: DON’T check the mail between Friday and Sunday. It’s very unlikely there’s a pending payment due within three days. So, chill out, ignore the mailbox, and enjoy the weekend.

Not letting bills interrupt my weekend reduced emotional spikes and therefore impulse purchases.

When I did check my mail, I didn’t open letters until I was ready to pay them (usually Thursday morning). To calm my nerves, I wrote (and still do) “seen” and the date on the envelope. Later, I wrote the “seen” and “paid” dates near the amount. These are things that I still do.

I was now in control and strong enough to face my financial demons. Now I needed to find a healthy way to reward myself.

Rediscovering joy for shopping

When you’re poor, spending money on ‘responsible’ things isn’t fun. My triggers (opening bills, meeting a school deadline, and prematurely celebrating booking a temp gig) were mostly under control, but I needed some retail therapy.

Impulse purchases on clothes or candy temporarily made me feel better. However, the guilt that followed was not worth it.  Instead of hitting the vending machine or ordering takeout every time I had an emotional spike, I changed how I did groceries.

I changed my shopping day from whenever to Thursday nights. We had three grocery stores within walking distance from each other, so I kind of got into meal prep and couponing. Nothing serious, I already and a thesis and bills to worry about.

As a reward for buying “real food” on discount, I felt confident adding value pack candy to my shopping list. I could now easily afford 1-2 sweet treats PER DAY without breaking the piggy bank 😉 .

Now, watch the magic.

It’s Friday (the weekend), my bills are paid, I have snacks and real food in the fridge, and I’m not being bullied by my mailbox. If I want, I could pack a lunch and chill in the city or parks and not waste money at fast food places. During the week, instead of hitting the vending machine for $1.25 Snickers because something stressed me out, I just reach into my backpack for one that cost about $0.50 because past me purchased in bulk. High five!

Wealth management skills getting better. Emotional triggers handled. Sweet Tooth secured. Feeling more positive about life.

What are your financial emotional pitfalls and what habits can you develop to avoid them?


Onicia is an entertainment blogger and humor columnist. When she’s not working on screenplays and stage scripts, she does stand-up comedy in Chicago.

Interested in writing a guest post at Breaking the Piggy Bank? I would love to have more voices and perspectives about money related items. Pitch ideas here.