I don’t think we ask each other enough questions about money.
Reflecting on my own self, I didn’t want to ask someone a question about finances because I felt embarrassed. I hated the idea of the other person looking at me and thinking, “You’re (insert age here), and you don’t know this yet?” throughout my twenties. I know I can’t be alone in having felt this way. There are times I still feel this way.
We all have something to add to the conversation, even if we are only beginning to learn.
This is why I’d like to introduce you to ASK THE PIG. Who’s the Pig? Obviously, me. It’ll be like an advice column, only I won’t be teaching you about proper table manners!
You can click on ASK THE PIG on the website’s top menu to access the easy, simple, ANONYMOUS form. That’s right! You don’t have to leave your name or email. Just don’t be rude or tell me that I’m a terrible mess because I already know that and don’t need an unkind reminder, Internet!
Given my misadventures in money-handling, people I know sometimes ask me questions from what bank do I use to how I decided that bankruptcy was the right choice for me (emphasis on ME). If I don’t get any actual submissions via ASK THE PIG, then I shall just pull from these in-person questions or random people’s questions that are shouted into the twittersphere void.
Our first question…
comes from my friend who said I could use his name. James originally posted this question on Facebook and is responsible for me thinking ASK THE PIG should be a thing. Thanks, James!
If you’re in debt to someone for over $500 and have no inclination of paying up (albeit installments or even acknowledging the fact that you owe) How long until a reminder is needed? And if you’re not reminded and hoping the other person forgot, is it okay to “forget” as well? Asking for a friend.
If I have learned anything from being on both sides of this question, it’s that money can become a thorny issue between two people who have entered a lender and lendee relationship. Some of the comments responding to this inquiry definitely proved that sometimes we are quick to judge the other person for not paying back. Look, I don’t think anyone actually forgets that they owe someone money. A reminder is needed, but you should always be thoughtful in your approach. Of course, this is easier said than done when you might also be needing those $500 sooner than later. A lot of it depends on your relationship to the person and how to tailor that approach.
No one likes to be hounded, but you also want to make sure that they understand where you are coming from, too. When I borrowed money a while ago from Person A, I was reminded constantly and Person A also took the liberty to belittle me about my finances. When I borrowed money from Person B, I was checked in periodically after having set up a payment plan so to speak with Person B.
I preferred Person B’s approach because it actually taught me how to uphold my end of the lendee and lender relationship. Their approach taught me how to save money from each paycheck to pay them back, which also had an effect on my spending habits. It was a better learning experience.
Whenever friends borrow money from me, I typically ask when they can pay it back. If there are any issues, I try to work with them. Maybe $50 this week and the rest next month?
Definitely, don’t “forget”. It isn’t fair to you to just “forget” because at the end of the day, that is your money. Plus, you wouldn’t be helping the other person by just allowing them to also “forget”. It’s a better lesson to learn how to pay back money borrowed from a friend or family member, than when you have actual debt collectors calling every hour. The person who borrowed the money should hopefully consider this, too. Be honest, but approachable. If the person flat out shows no interest once you bring up the loan and possible options, then that’s a different story.
Another reason why YOU shouldn’t “forget” that they owe you money or let them “forget”: it can build up resentment on your end toward the lendee. That’s when relationships get real thorny.
ASK THE PIG will run once a month.
Make sure to come back and check out next week’s post where we talk about taxes like the adults we are!